Much has been written about the importance of formulating goals to achieve success.  First, you appraise your current situation.  Next,  you decide what you wish to achieve.  Then you identify specific activities that will help you reach that goal.  Simple, right?   Unfortunately, many people fall short of their goals not because they don’t know what they want or can’t identify activities that will lead them there.  Instead they fall short because they don’t know know how to overcome the force that leads them back to their  default mode or comfort zone.

Every psychological type has both strengths and developmental challenges.  For example, an ENFP type is full of creative ideas and schemes but is also prone to losing focus and follow through once the newness has worn off.  An INFJ  may be able to mediate complex interactions among individuals but at the same time, be reluctant to intrude upon others and thus keep too much to himself.    Why isn’t  it enough to implore the ENFP to “just do it” or to encourage the INFJ to just share what he is thinking?

It is natural for an ENFP to want to move on to the next challenge because her dominant function is extraverted intuition.   Her brain is excited by new ideas, patterns, and insights. This is her default mode similar to the default settings on the computer. In the absence of a deliberate effort to bypass this natural tendency, she will enthusiastically jump from one intriguing curiosity to the next.  She may be aware that she has to finish a given activity in order to meet a stated goal.   However, the key to accomplishing this is an effective strategy to help her manage a natural tendency.

Perhaps she learns to write down ideas as they pop into her head rather than immediately following her nose to satisfy her curiosity.  With the advent of Google, it’s easy to get sidetracked by wanting to know something right now rather than later on.  Or maybe there is some mundane task like writing the bills that she often ignores in favor of a more exciting task.   Maybe she has has to take them to a coffee shop to work on them so she can be around people but not be distracted by other more intriguing stimuli in her home.

What about the INFJ who won’t share what is on his mind?  Maybe he needs to remind himself that many people he will be sharing his thoughts with are not as sensitive as he is so he can afford to be a little more forthright.  Or, he can capitalize on his effective writing skills by putting his thoughts into a letter or, using a journal to formulate what he is going to say so he is fully prepared to speak his mind.  He needs a strategy that goes beyond the goal that he will “speak up more often in meetings”, for example. He needs to know how he can do this without creating so much anxiety that he avoids it altogether.

Effective coaching has 3 main components:  1. Increased self-awareness.   2.Goal setting and identification of activities leading to those goals.  3.Strategies that will increase the likelihood that those goals will be successfully met.   Awareness of psychological type through the use of the MBTI instruments can provide needed insight on how these strategies are formulated.

On January 28th, my husband will go to Haiti for 10 days to perform surgery on the victims of the recent earthquake in that country.  It is impossible to imagine what he will encounter when he gets there.  Haiti was not in good shape prior to this disaster but now he will probably see enough death, destruction, and human suffering that would rattle most people.  Mark is no stranger to less than optimal conditions having worked in an inner-city trauma hospital in Detroit;  several Jamaican medical missions; and as part of a team performing surgery in Honduras.  This is likely to be much worse though.  It will be hot. Food and sanitation might be limited.  There will probably be bodies not yet recovered from the rubble. The people will be desperate.   How does one keep the edge amid all of this misery?

My husband is a pretty introverted guy.  He is polite but often intimidating when you first meet him. He has South Dakota manners but he is not one to schmooze or chit chat when we have company.  Once he has said hello,  he will quickly disappear into his lair to do medical charts, look at antique cars or trains on Ebay or watch the History Channel.  However, once you get to know him, he can be quite engaging and he is actually quite a prankster.  Still, much of the time he is quite contained.

However,Mark has an incredible capacity to focus especially under the most demanding circumstances.  In 1991, during the Halloween blizzard in Minnesota, he performed 25 emergency surgeries on hands that had gotten caught in snow blowers.  He did them one right after the other for 36 hours straight. I used to think he pushed himself to the limit so he could earn “suffering points” and I would then have to treat him extra nice but I have learned such is not the case.  The harder he has to work, the more competent he becomes.  He also sets high standards for himself and those around him. At times, this can be nerve- wracking for our family. As one daughter put it, “Every time he walks in the door, I feel like I have to be doing something!”  However, once he casts his critical eye, he usually moves on to one of his projects and we can all relax!

Haiti has the right man for the job. I have no doubt that Mark will relish the challenge of repairing as many orthopaedic injuries as he can despite the deplorable conditions he is likely to face.  It is probably to his advantage that he tends to be stoic because otherwise, he might become overwhelmed.  I am somewhat concerned about his safety but I know he is wired for this type of work.  Ever since he missed the first opportunity to go because he left his phone in the car for 2 days (typical), he has been pacing around looking for the inroad.  Now that the plan is set, he is energized.  So off you go, Mark E. Holm, M.D.!  I hope they can find a bed long enough to handle your 6 foot 5 frame!  Probably not…

Since many of my blogs are about the unique gifts of each Myers-Briggs personality type, I might as well reveal Mark’s type.  He is an INTJ, the master of focus, hard work and ingenuity. I know he will use these strengths to bring relief to the victims of this earthquake. Our family is very proud of him!

The Mysterious INFJ has been one of the most visited posts on this website (I know this because a writer can access this information on Google Analytics).  I have received many emails from readers who share this personality type or believe that they may share the INFJ preferences (Introverted Intuition/Extraverted Feeling) but have not verified it yet.  Usually an MBTI assessment and a dialogue with a certified practitioner will settle the matter.   I asked a client of  mine   to share a few reflections on what it’s like to be an INFJ and he graciously offered these reflections (although in true INFJ style, he felt he could have done a better job!): (more…)

A critical step in the reliable use of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is verification of type through a dialogue between the individual completing the inventory and the practitioner interpreting the results.  After receiving the results, the client will read the description of the personality type, in the aggregate, to determine if it is  largely accurate.  In my experience, I have found the INFJ  notoriously difficult to type.   Even after the verification step, the INFJ  can be uncertain that this description fits. It isn’t due to shortcomings in the Myers-Briggs  questionnaire.  It is mainly due to the rarity and complexity of the INFJ type.

Exact percentages vary but the INFJ, the rarest of the personality types, is said to account for 1-2% of the overall population, females slightly more often than males.  The INFJ has been called “The Mystic,” “The Counselor,” and “Empath”.  They are described as  original, gentle, caring, and highly intuitive. The quality of extrasensory perception, or ESP, is often attributed to them. People who have known INFJs for years continue to be surprised when yet another layer of their complex personality is revealed.  As a result of their inferior sensing function, they can be stubborn and obsess about an inconsequential detail , usually when they are under stress. Their ability to see the big picture can be affected during these times. INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they  are so genuinely interested in people — a product of the auxiliary feeling function they most readily show to the world (Introverts show their auxiliary function, or the function that supports the dominant function, to the world first). Still, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or mate.   Yet, INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out those closest to them. This apparent about face is  necessary, providing both time to rebuild their energy and a filter to prevent the emotional overload that can happen as they deeply experience other individuals.  This is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders particularly if experience with this type has been limited.  I have 3 INFJ’s in my life, my brother, my daughter, and my best friend and I can attest to the fact that they are like Russian nesting dolls, when one doll is exposed,  another one lies inside. (more…)